They Didn’t Know what a Martyr was…

I peer eagerly at the sheet. “April Cervinka: Camp Counselor—Cabin 202.” Hurray! I only have to move next door this week! Walking casually into my new cabin with two-months worth of luggage, something dark grabs my attention. While everything else looks just like my old cabin: normal and lined with wood—the bunk beds, the dresser, the fan—my eyes are completely glued to an unusual poster of the world. To this day I find it interesting that someone would leave this poster behind, and that on the weekends when we cleaned the cabins no one had the heart to throw it away. As it has the date “2005″ on it, it may be that for four years it has been pinned up on the wall in cabin 202 by two thumb tacks. (This very poster would later become a most remarkable tool from God in cabin 202…but I’m getting ahead of myself.)

 

A few nights later, many eyes join mine in being glued to this same black poster; of course we have all seen a map of the world before, but this one visualizes a whole new world; and yet, this is our world.

 

For one thing, the colors are all wrong: green does not stand for land, brown does stand for desert, and there is no blue to mark the bodies of water. Instead, it depicts boldly in green, orange, and gray that in fifty-two countries Christian witness is under fire. With the “Voice of the Martyrs” emblem on the top right, it is definitely my kind of poster. The best part about it, though, is the explanation for each color. Here is what green says: “Restricted Nations—This includes situations where Christians are kept from obtaining Bibles or other Christian literature by government policy or practice. Also included are government-sanctioned ordinances where Christians are harassed, imprisoned, killed, or deprived of their possessions or liberties because of their faith in Jesus.” Here is orange: “Hostile area—this includes large areas in nations where governments consistently attempt to provide protection for the Christian population, but Christians are victims of violence because of their witness.” Gray stands for free countries, such as America.

 

For me, this poster was an awesome reminder to keep praying for these countries—this was, in fact, a prayer map. However, for the 25 plus girls whom I was blessed to counsel, all these facts were new. Many did not know what a “martyr” was.

 

After quickly and silently recovering from this sad state of affairs, I was overjoyed to explain to them about dying for your faith. At first, of course, they were shocked that anyone would want to lower themselves to be punished just because of something they believed. Then, after a few minutes of explaining time and God’s wisdom speaking through me, several of the girls decided that a martyr was indeed a genuine heroine. We all looked again at this poster of the world and smiled.

 

We as Christians are called to stand up for our faith. (Ephesians 6:12) America, is a special country currently, in which the Gospel is free to be shouted from our rooftops if so desired. This was quite a wakeup call for me to keep praying for our fellow believers who do not have our freedom and must completely depend on God’s strength and power to spread the Gospel while risking reputation, home, possessions, family, and their very lives. This is the world we live in. Let’s get out of our “American dream” world and look reality in the face. Satan would love for us to think that there really is no battle going on out there, but guess what. There is.

 

If you would like to know more about this real world but can’t go experience it for yourself, check out the Voice of the Martyr’s website. You can even ask them for a free newsletter. If you would like to get involved, prayer is powerful, and greatly appreciated by our heroes on the spiritual frontlines. (Ephesians 6:18-19) Even more, you can become a penpal to a Christian in jail for their faith. Check out www.persecution.com

 

Thank you for reading! And please, keep Moody students in your prayers as we go out to the mission field, and many will be persecuted. This is a verse I’ve been encouraged by many times this year: 2 Corinthians 4:1-9 “But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard-pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not afflicted; struck down, but not destroyed.”

 

The Commitment of Edward Ferrars

I read this from http://www.modesteenweblog.com/2008/05/commitment-of-edward-ferrars.html and was blown away. It is long, but very inspiring and totally worth the time! ~April

 

 Duty, honor, integrity…these three words have almost no meaning anymore. We live in a world where infidelity and “my way is the only way” make front page headlines. Movies where one stays the course are, frankly, nonexistent in Hollywood. In time past, a hand shake was enough needed for agreements and promises; contracts and vows today aren’t even enough. So, finding a person that is just as passionate about integrity as you are is as daunting as finding a Mr. Knightley. Whereas I cannot give you advice in the general sphere of life, I can tell you where to locate an honorable man in the world of literature. Why not try Edward Ferrars of Sense and Sensibility.

“Edward Ferrars was not recommended to their good opinion by any peculiar graces of person or address. He was not handsome, and his manners required intimacy to make them pleasing. He was too diffident to do justice to himself; but when his natural shyness was overcome, his behavior gave every indication of an open, affectionate heart….Edward had no turn for great men or barouches. All his wishes centered in domestic comfort and the quiet of private life.”

This paragraph does, and should, sum up our first impression of Edward Ferrars. Depending on what version of Sense and Sensibility you watch, you will find that he is not as handsome as Mr. Knightley is. In all honesty, that first impression can put a damper on the movie for us. After all, we do enjoy watching good-looking guys. But just as we will make a bigger deal about the internal qualities of our future spouse, so should we do the same with character depictions. Beauty is only skin deep. (We’ll talk more about that in a later sketch.) A person’s heart matters so much more than their hair color, facial features, or their build.It is hard to remember that. The world puts so much stock in exterior looks that it is difficult for us not to as well. A person that has the “imperfections of body” but the gentlemanly heart can come across as weak, simpering, foolish. “But honor doesn’t go with fools any more than snow with summer or rain with harvest.” (Proverbs 26:1) In fact, it takes far more effort to stay committed when you don’t feel like it than it does to get the perfect tan. And it is infinitely better.“…The time may come when we may be very intimately connected.”
“Do have you have an understanding with Robert Ferrars?”
“No, not with Mr. Robert Ferrars—I never saw him in my life. But…with his elder brother, Edward. You may well be surprised,” continued Lucy, “for, to be sure, you could have had no idea of it before; for I dare say he never dropped the smallest hint of it to you or any of your family; because it was always meant to be a great secret, and I am sure has been faithfully kept so by me to this hour…”
“It all came out [at the Dashwoods]; and the long and short of the matter, by all I can learn, seems to be this:–Mr. Edward Ferrars, the very young man I used to joke with you about, Miss Dashwood (but, however, as it turns out, I am monstrous glad there never was anything in it), Mr. Edward Ferrars, it seems has been engaged this twelvemonth to my cousin Lucy…”
“….We consulted together, however, as what should be done, and at last she determined to send for Edward. He came. But I am sorry to relate what ensued. All that Mrs. Ferrars could say to make him put an end to the engagement, assisted too, as you may well suppose by my arguments, and Fanny’s entreaties, was of no avail. Duty, affection, everything was disregarded. I never thought Edward to stubborn, so unfeeling, before. His mother explained to him her liberal designs; told him she would settle on him the Norfolk estate, which brings in a good thousand a year; offered even, when matters grew desperate, to make it twelve hundred; and in opposition to this, if he still persisted in this low connection, represented to him the certain penury that must attend the match, His own two thousand pounds she protested should be his all; she would never see him again; and so far would she be from affording him the smallest assistance, that if he were to enter into any profession with a view of better support, she would do all in her power to prevent his advancing in it….all this, however,” he continued, “was urged in vain. Edward said very little; but what he did say was in the most determined manner. Nothing should prevail on him to give up his engagement. He would stand it, cost him what it might.”
“Then,” cried Mrs. Jennings, with blunt sincerity, no longer able to be silent, “he has acted like an honest man. I beg your pardon, Mr. Dashwood, but if he had done otherwise, I should have thought him a rascal…”

Picture this scenario in your head: It had been on the calendar for weeks. Your family was going to have a family from church over for dinner. They aren’t necessarily friends of yours—you become the babysitter so the adults can talk. Everyone is counting on you to do this much needed service. However, your best friend calls you on the phone; a whole bunch of the girls are going to see the movie you have been wanting to see since it came out….the only problem? They are doing it the night of your guests’ visit. You battle around in your conscience about what to do. You really want to go to the theatre, but you also know you had a previous obligation. What do you do? You tell your friend thanks…but no thanks; you had an engagement. When you hand up the phone, you sigh, but you know you did the right thing.Though not necessarily like the scenario above, I have had to make my own decisions about “dying to self.” It hurts; we love to get what we want. But on those occasions when we do make the right choice (and we don’t always) we realize that it brought about so much better results than what would have happened. However, deciding between baby-sitting and a movie is far less important as the choice Edward had to make. 

Marriage, contrary to what society teaches, is one man with one woman for life. It shouldn’t be entered into lightly; you need to be absolutely sure of what you are doing before you say “I do…” because once you do, that’s the end of it! Edward had to choose between his previous commitment to Lucy or his love for Elinor. Now, I will admit, I struggle with a guy falling in love with someone while he is engaged to another. But it does happen. When you read the end of Sense and Sensibility, you discover the whole story of how Edward became attracted to Lucy and then subsequently to Elinor. But the thing I love most about Edward was that he did one of the hardest ways of dying to self. He was willing to put his desires on the line so as not to hurt Lucy by breaking the engagement and producing disgrace. Only when Lucy herself broke off the engagement, and transferred her affections to Edward’s brother, Robert, did Edward pursue his heart’s longing.

Yet no matter where you look for examples of honor and commitment, there is one that pales them all. It is found in the Bible. “Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to His rights as God. He made himself nothing; he took the humble position of a slave and appeared in human form. And in human form he obediently humbled himself even further by dying a criminal’s death on a cross. Because of this, God raised Him up to the heights of Heaven and gave Him a name that is above every other name.” (Philippians 2:5-9) Christ did the ultimate dying of self there is—he died, so that we might live.

But how can this all apply to us? I mean, we are not called to show commitment by dying. And the majority of us aren’t in courtships/ dating/ whatever. So, how can we do our share? It might not seem like much, but I believe that we can do amazing things by just playing our part. Christians are to be countercultural; one good way is to be a generation that respects commitments and fulfills them with honor. 

The world might laugh; we might come across as weak. But these traits described above aren’t just for sissies. In fact, it takes a lot of courage and effort. But “declare me innocent, O Lord, for I have acted with integrity…” (Psalms 26:1) Walking in such a way can only bring about blessing.

So in whatever you are doing today, do it with honor and commitment. Fulfill your obligations…even when your flesh screams to do otherwise. In this way, you will present a model of Mr. Edward Ferrars’ character to those with whom you come in contact.

                  ~Ella

 

Adoption is an Option

 “I was about 14 when I found I was pregnant. The scariest part was telling my mom. I was growing up in one of those families that if you ever get pregnant, you pack your bags and go. I knew I was pregnant because I hadn’t had a period. I waited until 3 a.m. I packed my clothes, cleaned out my dresser drawers, and put my bags by the front door. I woke my mom and said, ‘I’m pregnant.’

She was sleeping, and she sat up and said ‘What?’ And I jumped off the bed.

What are you going to do?’ she asked.

I started crying and said, ‘I don’t know.’

I told her I thought my only option was abortion. I made an appointment and she was to go with me, but that morning she told me she really didn’t want me to do that. She said there were other options.” –Tatum (Lindsay)

Indeed, there are “other options.” Let us consider the options: keeping the baby or putting it up for adoption. Adoption, seemingly, is not a common choice; however, it is more common than keeping the baby. As a whole, adoption is the wisest choice when it comes to teen pregnancies because it ensures a good family, love, flexibility, and a guilt-free mother.

According to Jeanne Warren Lindsay, author and a coordinator of the Teen Parent Program at Tracy High School in Los Cerritos, California, “A couple of generations ago, many pregnant teens relinquished (gave up, released, surrendered) their babies for adoption. An unmarried adolescent who became pregnant was often hustled off to Aunt Agatha’s home in Missouri where she lived until her baby was born. Usually the young mother didn’t see her baby at all. It was placed for adoption with a family she would never meet, and the entire event was wrapped in secrecy. Her friends were told she was vacationing with Aunt Agatha, and she was urged to forget the whole episode and return to “normal” life as a teen.” (Lindsay) Today, however, the picture is far different. The number of mothers who put their baby up for adoption is, “less than four percent of the half-million who give birth each year in the United States.”(Lindsay) Why is this the case? To be frank, it is because the average teenager is not developed enough to look ahead eighteen years to decide what is best. According to the the National Review, “Teenagers generally ask not what they can do for others, but what others are thinking about them. Is it any surprise that adoption is generally ignored?” (Olavsky) They can only see their present situation, and in their torn, messed up state they look to the easiest, fastest way out.

A very clever saying declares, “Only half of all people that go into abortion clinics come out alive.” Even Ronald Reagan had something to say about it when he declared, “Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born.” Abortion took the lives of about 1.5 million babies in 2005, according to National Right to Life News. (“Fruits of Pro-Life Work”) Although it is the easiest, fastest way out, abortion is not without many longterm consequences; many of which are quite devastating to the mother. Monnica Terwilliger who has worked for many years at a counseling center for those recovering from abortion, relates,“Common post-abortion symptoms include depression, nightmares, guilt, regret, avoidance of babies, and even self-destructive behaviors. The difficulties usually get worse over time and not better. Some women are physically damaged from the abortion, and a few are even left permanently infertile. If this is your first pregnancy, aborting can double your risk of developing breast cancer; multiple abortions can increase your risk of breast cancer three-fold.” (Terwilliger) She also remembers many girls who nearly bled to death after what should have been a simple, risk-free operation. Also, consider a 1986 study done by researchers at the University of Minnesota. They concluded, “A teenage girl is 10 times more likely to attempt suicide if she has had an abortion in the last six months than is a comparable teenage girl who has not had an abortion.” (Garfinkel) This is a serious conclusion, and is definitely not something to ignore.

Well, what about keeping the baby? Babies are so cute! That is certainly an option—but only for those who can offer the baby everything it needs, such as time, attention, food, and a family to raise it properly. Think realistically. What if the mother took care of the baby herself only until the ideal time to marry the boyfriend? That is possible, but extremely volatile. Especially in this day and age, “marriage is quietly losing its place in the language and in popular culture. Unmarried people now tend to speak inclusively about ‘relationships’ and ‘intimate partners.’ In the entertainment industry—including films, television, and music—marriage is often neglected or discredited.” (Popenoe 273) Even engaged young couples may break up after they find out the presence of a baby. I remember one of my friends Jane (name changed) who got engaged in eleventh grade, but during the summer they had sex. When she found out she was pregnant, she was thoroughly disgusted with her fiancé, and promptly dumped him. I think marriage would be an acceptable choice, but only if both members of the couple approve of it, and that is mainly the big problem—many couples are not willing to take marriage seriously. Stephanie Coontz, a History and Family Studies teacher at Evergreen State College in Olympia, relates: “The purpose of marriage was to get people to discharge the duties of civil society, to govern their families with prudence and to educate their children with discretion.” (Coontz 261) If the couple is not willing to make this commitment, then would it not be infinitely better to let another couple who are eager and willing to make the commitment adopt the child?

Adoption is a wonderful choice. From the four principles in the National Consortium model, “Adoption is mutually beneficial to parent, child, and society.” (Atkinson 87) The arrangement is extremely well thought-out and organized. For one thing, the family is always thoroughly interviewed by the adoption agency to make sure they know how and are fully able to raise a family. The family must also pay a serious amount of money, which gives a good indication that they have thought through the procedure. The Family Law Quarterly states, “More than 120,000 children are adopted annually in the United States.” (Family Law Quarterly 365) Adoption is, in other words, a popular choice that many couples have made. Even though it takes a huge amount of effort to adopt, many good families are more than willing to do whatever they can for the children. The lives of theses adopted children are precious, and therefore the adoption agency checks up on each family after the adoption every year for the first five years to make sure the child is healthy, happy, and bonding well.

Tatum, the young pregnant teenager in the previous story relates her experience of when she went to a maternity home, “They had this program where you could meet people who had adopted. They brought their children to a picnic, and I said I’d babysit. There was a little girl who was three, another seven or eight, and another who was ten, and all three were adopted. They knew much more about adoption than I did. The youngest little girl asked me, ‘Are you going to have your baby adopted?’ I answered, ‘What do you know about adoption?’ She said, ‘I’m adopted and I have two sets of parents. My mommy says I’m more loved because I have four parents.’ Then she said, ‘Your baby would be so loved’–this from a three-year-old! I also got to meet my counselor’s two adopted children, a daughter two years older than me, and a son four years older. I told her they were so like her and she said, ‘You know they are adopted?’ And I was thunderstruck because they seemed so happy. I started thinking more and more about adoption.” (Lindsay)

Before the pregnant mother decides anything, she must think carefully. The long-run consequences matter just as much as the present condition. What about when the baby is a teenager his or herself? What would be best for him or her? Does the mother have exactly the right conditions for raising a child, or should she let someone else take over who has dreamed of having a baby for years and years? According to the Child & Adolescents Social Work Journal, “The majority of adopted children function quite well as adolescents.” (Benson) The joy of having a child is utterly heavenly. Picture his or her smiling face, his or her laugh, him or her holding mother’s hand and exclaiming, “Mommy, I love you!” Imagine the child becoming a very important person when they grow up; someone to be encouraged and be proud of. Adoption does not have to mean the mother will never see her child ever again. On the contrary, there are many options now to fit almost everyone with their specific situation. For instance, open adoption is “an arrangement by which children legally go to live with people who are not their natural parents, but still continue to communicate with their natural parents.” (“Open Adoption”) It is quite interesting how widely things have changed from when everything was kept top-secret about adoption. The remarkable effort and work put into the arrangement is amazing; much of the work is done by underpaid people who care tremendously about the children and their families.

Adoption is most assuredly the best choice for most pregnant teens. However, the adoption route is not a common decision because many teens are not developed enough to be able to look into the future to decide what is best. All they can think of is, “How do I get out of this horrible mess I’m in as quick and as easy as possible?” Adoption is certainly life changing; few things could be more so. It can be a huge blessing, something wonderful coming from what seems evil and alarming. This procedure is comparable to the children’s story, “The Ugly Duckling.” Despite what started out to be a dreadful looking creature despised by everybody, the “duckling” later turned out to be a beautiful swan that was greatly admired by all. Abortion, though it is extremely common, should be avoided at all costs for the sake of the baby and of the mother. Take time to decide on the right choice, not the quick and easy choice. Consider adoption.

 

 

How Do You Do?

 Hi, my name is April! I am almost 18 years old, and seek to serve my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and to bring Him glory as my main goal in life. This blog has been dedicated to glorify God with my writing, music, and whatever else I choose to display. I pray that you as a reader will greatly benefit from this blog, as I will!

Let me share a little bit about me: I love all Classical, Celtic, Hymns, and fiddle music. I enjoy other genres as well, but not to the same degree or respect. As I play violin, harp, piano, and sing a little, I definitely love music. My favorite instrument is violin, (though if you asked me what instrument I’d love to learn next, it would be the guitar, and then after that the steel drums.) This fall I will be majoring in Bible and Music Ministry (with violin) at Moody Bible Institute in Chicago.

                                                                    

 Random facts: I adore bunnies, dogs, and chocolate; I always put chocolate chips at the bottom of my ice cream cone to keep it from leaking, I have a huge imagination, I love gazing at the stars, swimming, cooking, and reading; I have taught piano and violin since I was 13, I’m a firm believer in spelling “worshiping” the proper grammatical way it’s been spelled for centuries, and I can usually find Biblical applications to little things in life, even peeling potatoes.

 

Also, I fervently believe that Christian teens should be actively involved in their faith. Christianity affects each and every part of our life. It applies to work, going to the grocery store, doing homework, spending money, things we do with our friends, why we do the things we do with our friends (our motive), etc. We have to constantly keep this in mind again and again; otherwise we can easily be sucked into the the world just like a whirlpool—little by little, and then more swiftly—and have a beastly time trying to escape. Only God can (and will) preserve us and keep His own separate from the world; it is by His grace that we have been set free from sin and death.

 

 

 

 

Ephesians 2:8-10: “For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.”

 

 

Jesus was tortured, beaten, battered, and brutally murdered—not because He sinned, but because we sinned! Few boyfriends would do anything half so selfless as to take the shame and punishment that the girl rightfully deserves—yet Christ did for us, and He calls us to also be selfless. This is far different from the world’s logo, “It’s all about ME” —as different as midnight is to noonday! How could we not fall on our faces out of love and awe, and be perfectly willing to risk even a drop of blood for Him who loves us so?

 

So, thanks for visiting my blog! I will try to post more songs every week, or at least write every other day. If you see anything interesting, or just want to say ”hi”, please comment! If I say anything you don’t quite agree with, or something that I probably should have worded differently, please let me know! I’m still learning. haha

      In Christ,

          ~April

 

What is True Beauty?

      Usually when we think of beauty, we imagine smiling fashion models with fake eyelashes and gallons of makeup portrayed through advertising: TV ads, billboards, magazines, you name it. Its presence is always there. Teens like you and me are constantly bombarded with ads that give us the impression that beauty is what’s on the outside. Character is almost never the issue, and that is why advertising is extremely misleading. It could even be the cause of depression and heartbreak. Outward beauty soon vanishes, and then what is left? True beauty is not outward appearance, but good, inward character.

      About thirty-five years ago one of my relatives fell in love with someone he thought had “beautiful eyes.” Despite many warnings from his family and friends that she did not seem to respect him, he married her anyway, blinded because he thought her beautiful. All too soon, he realized his mistake. She was insecure and would not listen to him. She became an alcoholic behind his back; and that’s why she died four years ago–alcohol abuse. You may think that is a very sad story; but it’s not the end. About a year later, he met a bubbly Christian lady with whom he had many things in common. He soon married her. She was not as pretty as his first wife, but good looks were no longer what he ultimately cared about. He married her because he realized the value of a good character, and she has been a tremendous blessing for him.

     So what are these advertisements portraying to us? They say we should care about our body, our self-image—our outward appearance. Consider an ad for Shineaway 17 Lotion from the 1980s. (Shineaway 735) It shows a picture of a girl with her arms clasped above her head, exposing about six inches of her midriff. She wears red-and-white polka-dot shorts, and right behind her is a guy with a hand on his cheek; totally smitten with her. Her eyes are closed, and her posture seems to say, “Look at me. I’m beautiful and you wish you were.” The advertisement reads: “For skin that looks flawless even when it isn’t.” What is this ad putting into our heads? It implies that skin needs to look flawless, so we should buy their lotion. If we buy their lotion, guys will look at us and be smitten. Do you not see how misleading this advertisement is? We probably thought our skin was just fine the way it was, but as soon as that advertisement showed that picture, we started to worry and feel discontent; which is what the Shineaway Lotion 17 company wants us to do so it can make money off of us. Don’t get me wrong; there is nothing the matter with flawless skin. But is that really what we should fret about?

      Teenage girls want to be considered beautiful. It’s natural! But, who wants to hang around someone who is so concerned about her appearance that she becomes extremely self-centered? It is so easy to become obsessed with makeup, clothes, healthy food, etc., that character is thrown aside. This is why I think “blonde jokes” are around. Many girls are so concerned about looking pretty that they don’t have time to do any thinking or to develop any well-thought-out opinions. Before advertising was around, I don’t think blonde jokes ever existed because silly girls were not as common. Life was tough, and they had to get their work done. Look at Laura Ingalls Wilder. She cared mostly about being a good mother and wife, and about being helpful to her neighbors.

     The more girls strive after outward beauty, the more we become discontented. The styles and fads keep changing. We grow older and are forced to fight wrinkles, gray hairs, and flab.

     Now that we know what the wrong perspective of beauty is, let’s define a good character. A good character is putting others before yourself in every situation. It’s called having a servant’s heart. I don’t mean being like a slave. I mean forgetting about that catchy phrase, “It’s all about YOU.” I mean someone who cares about others even more than themselves, who loves others so much that they would die for them if need be; someone you can always count on for encouragement, help, and a warm smile. Picture Gladys Aylward. As a girl she prayed and prayed for God to give her pretty, blue eyes like her sister’s instead of the dark brown eyes she possessed. As an adult she was a small, plain woman; but she soon knew why God had given her dark brown eyes. She traveled to China to be a missionary, and because of her eye color and small figure she blended in with the Chinese community. For the rest of her life, she lived selflessly for the Chinese people. She was extremely active during the time of war between China and Japan, and carried out many acts of love that the Chinese were too afraid to do. Her most well-known act was leading one-hundred orphaned children many miles across mountains and rivers to reach a safe place away from the Japanese who were bombing villages. These brave deeds were not just heroic; they were selfless. She and her large, conspicuous group could have quickly been spotted by the Japanese and then instantly shot by soldiers or bombed by planes. In spite of these dangers, she cared enough about the needs of the Chinese people to completely ignore her own. Though she was not “beautiful” on the outside, she certainly had the character of a diamond.

      There are some people who would disagree with me about beauty: people involved with advertising, for example. According to Behrens and Rosen, authors of my Composition II class text book, “Advertisements are more than just an appeal to buy; they are windows into our psyches and our culture. They reveal our values; our (not-so-hidden) desires, our yearnings for a different lifestyle.” (655) Think about that word, “values.” Do we value good character as a community? Sadly, I do not think so. America has come to acquire the “everything revolves around me” attitude. Most decisions we make depend on what will benefit “me, myself, and I,” from making friends to electing a new President. So, why do advertisements encourage this kind of thinking? I believe that the companies are greedy, and will do anything to manipulate us into buying their product. They cannot sell good character; all they can offer us is something to make us appear more “beautiful” on the outside. This something could be cute clothes, cute shoes, flat irons, makeup, jewelry, manicures,…the list goes on and on forever it seems! The fashion industry must make billions off of us!

      To sum it up true beauty is far more than outward appearance; good character is the key. We teenage girls should not try to be noticed merely because we have a great body; we should be noticed because of our sincerity, willingness to listen, and selflessness. Advertising cannot sell us true beauty; it can merely offer us something that will make us more “beautiful” on the outside. This kind of beauty is fleeting. No matter who you are, you decay and get older. I challenge you to stop and think about this, and see if your character is something you would call “beautiful.” If you really make an effort in this area of your life, you will truly be beautiful even if you someday became a hunchbacked, wrinkled, old lady! Let’s show those advertisers and our community what’s wrong with that silly picture of the girl with “perfect skin.” Let’s show them true beauty that never ever gets old and boring with time.

 

Peer Pressure: The Threatening Constant Companion of Teens

Fourteen-year-old Alexis leaves her house to ride the school bus to her new school. She wears a pleated, khaki skirt beneath a stiff, dark green polo shirt, and navy, knee-high socks inside brown, leather dress shoes. The moment she steps onto the bus, she nervously glances around for a place to sit. Everyone else is wearing the same outfit as she, but still Alexis feels out-of-place. She recognizes none of the students, but realizes that these are the classmates she will have for four, long high-school years. Awkwardly, she plops down by a small, dainty girl with short, stick-like pigtails that point out from just below her ears like downward antennas. She then puts her backpack between her legs, but right away, Alexis has an uneasy feeling that the other girl is examining her uniform as if she were an oddball. Slightly trembling, Alexis lifts her backpack onto her lap to cover up her outfit and pretends to search for her cellphone. This ploy apparently works because the pigtailed girl then decides to turn away and fall asleep with her head against the cold, glass window. Sluggishly, the school bus patiently continues on its route, while Alexis sits as still as a concrete wall. However, her poor head is meanwhile enduring a raging thunderstorm filled with a flood of worries tormenting her concerning whether the other kids will accept her, whether she will do something stupid, or whether the teachers will call on her when she doesn’t know the answer. Finally, after what seems to her three lifetimes, the bus steadily heaves to the right into the loading zone.

At her new school, she is shocked by what she observes about the other students. Instead of tucking in their shirts like they were instructed to do, most students leave them hanging out, which, in Alexis’ mind, looks terribly sloppy. “Why are they doing this?” she wonders. “They’re going to get in trouble! Each of us had to sign a form promising we would obey all dress code rules; otherwise, the teachers will call our parents.” Gradually, however, in English class, thinking about the uncomfortable stare she had received from the tiny girl in the bus, she begins to pull at the corners of her green polo, and by lunchtime the shirt is completely untucked.

     Why is peer pressure so powerful in teens, oftentimes even more powerful than parental and school authority? Why is it that teens take great pains to obey their friends, when they refuse to be “enslaved” by their parents? They say they want freedom, but is that really what they need? Should parents just let their teens’ friends be the rule-makers? Teens need more loving authority from their parents to keep them from adhering to peer pressure. The big reason teens obey their peers is because they have become insecure, ignorant of the consequence, or depressed.

     First, let us observe how high school students define peer pressure. According to Ashleigh Duncan, a freshman at Olathe South High School, “It is human nature wanting to be accepted, and teens will do whatever they can to fit into a group; However, they do not truly feel loved and accepted, for they do drastic things just because their friends do it and think it is cool.” Some may say that after they are “talked into” doing something wrong, they later become stronger and more able to resist the peer authority. However, this is most often not the case according to several people I interviewed. Jacob Vos, a high-school senior at Kansas City Christian School, explains sadly, “Those bad experiences from obeying the voice of peer pressure did not make me stronger. They set me up for giving in.”

     So, why is this the case? Teens today may be far more insecure than most people because they do not receive enough loving care from their parents. Either because their parents are working all day or just busy with the younger kids, attention is not given to the teenager. The life of a teenager is tough. Not only do his or her hormones start to change and emotions start to flow, but he or she begins to view the world differently with excitement and anticipation. Consider Molly, who sees the new Ipod Touch that Hope just got, and now she craves for one just like it. Consider Sam, who sees his friends wearing shoes doodled on with a black sharpie, and now he wants to alter his shoes, too. Consider Matt, who, at a late-night birthday party, sees his friends walking to a parking lot and letting the air out of each of the cars’ tires. Wait a minute. Matt knows better than that. Yes, of course he does, but that does not stop him from joining in. He would never want to be called a “wimp.”

     Because of issues including peer pressure, teens are getting into trouble with theft, premarital sex,drugs, alcohol, premature smoking, etc.,. Yes, the teens should know better, and yes, the parents should severely punish them if these things happen, but honestly—are they entirely to blame? If the parents had given them enough love and instruction, would they most deliberately disobey them merely to succumb to peer pressure? As Solomon Asch, a social psychologist, has wisely declared, “That we have found the tendency to conformity in our society so strong that reasonably intelligent and well-meaning young people are willing to call white black is a matter of concern. It raises questions about our ways of education and about the values that guide our conduct.” (Asch 357) This is a profound statement, for it implies that if we are not careful to obey only wise and upright authority, then something is wrong with our morals and values—things which are engraved into our hearts by our parents, teachers, and peers.

     A century ago teens were not nearly as involved in immoral behavior. They were not even considered “rebels.” If we think back to pioneer days in America, teenagers were noted only for being hard-working helpers around the farm or apprentices to small businesses. They were kept busy with basic life skills, and never did they have time to be lulled into the peer-centered way of thinking. There was always Bessy the cow’s stall to clean, the pigs to feed, the horses to groom, the potatoes to harvest, the leaky roof to repair, school to attend when possible, the clothes of at least four siblings to wash, on and on from dawn till dusk—a never ending daily cycle. It is easily observable that while the teens were spending time at home, their parents were also interacting with their teens as much as possible. Also, think about the cold, long, winters when blizzards whirled in for weeks at a time. Having to remain in the same small house for an immensely long time-period, the family had better find a way to get along with one another!

     If we think about it, peer pressure is not necessarily a bad type of authority. According to Eric Fromm, a psychoanalyst and philosopher, “But I do not mean to say that all disobedience is a virtue and all obedience is a vice. Such a view would ignore the dialectical relationship between obedience and disobedience. Whenever the principles which are obeyed and those which are disobeyed are irreconcilable, an act of obedience to one principle is necessarily an act of disobedience to its counterparts and vice versa.” (Fromm 403) But consider this: if parents let their teen obey peer pressure in various harmless ways, will it not be easier for them to go along with the crowd when an issue of significance comes up, such as drugs or shoplifting? Think of a trail of breadcrumbs on a sidewalk, each separated by about three inches, first making a line following the pathway, then gradually curving until they are no longer on the sidewalk but in the gutter, then on the road. If a dog were to come up to the first crumb, would it not eat it, realizing it is on the safe sidewalk? After eating the one, would it not start to crave more breadcrumbs and slowly but surely be led out onto the street? The dog is smart enough to know that cars cross the street; yet because of the hunger for that last crumb of bread it would take the risk of becoming road-kill just to satisfy its appetite—unless, of course, its master had taken great pains to train it never to walk on the street. This type of training can be done; it merely depends on how greatly the trainer cares about the dog’s well-being.

     Now, just realizing the need for teen-parent interaction is not enough. What about when the teen become so occupied with various engagements that the parents rarely see them, let alone find time to talk to them? In this case it may be necessary to take initiative and “put on the brakes” so to speak. Go on a family vacation together. Or, do what my parents have done with me; set aside a “family fun night” every week on a night of the family’s choice, and experience precious bonding time. Be creative. Teens need their parents far more than they realize, so parents must not pass by this valuable time-period in vain. Even if the parents and their teens do not interrelate, they must spend more time with them, for often the very reason they do not get along is because they have never had special set apart “bonding time” together.

     There are some who would disagree with me about parents having more authority over their teens, the North Korean government for example. They believe that the government should have full authority over the kids, and from a very early age the children are put into an extremely intense school away from their parents so as to help train them to think in terms of the Communist government. They believe the nation is more important than the individual, and an individual’s purpose in life is to be beneficial to the nation at all costs. The government keeps the kids as separate from their families as possible because they have observed that a strong, bonded family can do much damage to the government’s position of authority and standards of right and wrong.

     To sum it up, parents should exhibit much more authority and give more loving attention to their beloved teens. It is more than a pleasant thought for those who have much free time on their hands; it is vital for strengthening the teen’s ability to resist the otherwise daunting power of peer pressure, and also to help raise up a good, emotionally balanced, mature young man or woman when they leave the home. Never assume that the teen knows best, even though they may think they do! Parents who love their children must be involved in their lives. Peer pressure is insidious, just like a boa constrictor which subtly squeezes its victim to death. Let’s be the best parents we can be while we can, before it’s too late…before peer pressure starts to coil and “squeeze” them and produce tragic, regretful consequences.