I read this from http://www.modesteenweblog.com/2008/05/commitment-of-edward-ferrars.html and was blown away. It is long, but very inspiring and totally worth the time! ~April
Duty, honor, integrity…these three words have almost no meaning anymore. We live in a world where infidelity and “my way is the only way” make front page headlines. Movies where one stays the course are, frankly, nonexistent in Hollywood. In time past, a hand shake was enough needed for agreements and promises; contracts and vows today aren’t even enough. So, finding a person that is just as passionate about integrity as you are is as daunting as finding a Mr. Knightley. Whereas I cannot give you advice in the general sphere of life, I can tell you where to locate an honorable man in the world of literature. Why not try Edward Ferrars of Sense and Sensibility.
“Edward Ferrars was not recommended to their good opinion by any peculiar graces of person or address. He was not handsome, and his manners required intimacy to make them pleasing. He was too diffident to do justice to himself; but when his natural shyness was overcome, his behavior gave every indication of an open, affectionate heart….Edward had no turn for great men or barouches. All his wishes centered in domestic comfort and the quiet of private life.”
This paragraph does, and should, sum up our first impression of Edward Ferrars. Depending on what version of Sense and Sensibility you watch, you will find that he is not as handsome as Mr. Knightley is. In all honesty, that first impression can put a damper on the movie for us. After all, we do enjoy watching good-looking guys. But just as we will make a bigger deal about the internal qualities of our future spouse, so should we do the same with character depictions. Beauty is only skin deep. (We’ll talk more about that in a later sketch.) A person’s heart matters so much more than their hair color, facial features, or their build.It is hard to remember that. The world puts so much stock in exterior looks that it is difficult for us not to as well. A person that has the “imperfections of body” but the gentlemanly heart can come across as weak, simpering, foolish. “But honor doesn’t go with fools any more than snow with summer or rain with harvest.” (Proverbs 26:1) In fact, it takes far more effort to stay committed when you don’t feel like it than it does to get the perfect tan. And it is infinitely better.“…The time may come when we may be very intimately connected.”
“Do have you have an understanding with Robert Ferrars?”
“No, not with Mr. Robert Ferrars—I never saw him in my life. But…with his elder brother, Edward. You may well be surprised,” continued Lucy, “for, to be sure, you could have had no idea of it before; for I dare say he never dropped the smallest hint of it to you or any of your family; because it was always meant to be a great secret, and I am sure has been faithfully kept so by me to this hour…”
“It all came out [at the Dashwoods]; and the long and short of the matter, by all I can learn, seems to be this:–Mr. Edward Ferrars, the very young man I used to joke with you about, Miss Dashwood (but, however, as it turns out, I am monstrous glad there never was anything in it), Mr. Edward Ferrars, it seems has been engaged this twelvemonth to my cousin Lucy…”
“….We consulted together, however, as what should be done, and at last she determined to send for Edward. He came. But I am sorry to relate what ensued. All that Mrs. Ferrars could say to make him put an end to the engagement, assisted too, as you may well suppose by my arguments, and Fanny’s entreaties, was of no avail. Duty, affection, everything was disregarded. I never thought Edward to stubborn, so unfeeling, before. His mother explained to him her liberal designs; told him she would settle on him the Norfolk estate, which brings in a good thousand a year; offered even, when matters grew desperate, to make it twelve hundred; and in opposition to this, if he still persisted in this low connection, represented to him the certain penury that must attend the match, His own two thousand pounds she protested should be his all; she would never see him again; and so far would she be from affording him the smallest assistance, that if he were to enter into any profession with a view of better support, she would do all in her power to prevent his advancing in it….all this, however,” he continued, “was urged in vain. Edward said very little; but what he did say was in the most determined manner. Nothing should prevail on him to give up his engagement. He would stand it, cost him what it might.”
“Then,” cried Mrs. Jennings, with blunt sincerity, no longer able to be silent, “he has acted like an honest man. I beg your pardon, Mr. Dashwood, but if he had done otherwise, I should have thought him a rascal…”
Picture this scenario in your head: It had been on the calendar for weeks. Your family was going to have a family from church over for dinner. They aren’t necessarily friends of yours—you become the babysitter so the adults can talk. Everyone is counting on you to do this much needed service. However, your best friend calls you on the phone; a whole bunch of the girls are going to see the movie you have been wanting to see since it came out….the only problem? They are doing it the night of your guests’ visit. You battle around in your conscience about what to do. You really want to go to the theatre, but you also know you had a previous obligation. What do you do? You tell your friend thanks…but no thanks; you had an engagement. When you hand up the phone, you sigh, but you know you did the right thing.Though not necessarily like the scenario above, I have had to make my own decisions about “dying to self.” It hurts; we love to get what we want. But on those occasions when we do make the right choice (and we don’t always) we realize that it brought about so much better results than what would have happened. However, deciding between baby-sitting and a movie is far less important as the choice Edward had to make.
Marriage, contrary to what society teaches, is one man with one woman for life. It shouldn’t be entered into lightly; you need to be absolutely sure of what you are doing before you say “I do…” because once you do, that’s the end of it! Edward had to choose between his previous commitment to Lucy or his love for Elinor. Now, I will admit, I struggle with a guy falling in love with someone while he is engaged to another. But it does happen. When you read the end of Sense and Sensibility, you discover the whole story of how Edward became attracted to Lucy and then subsequently to Elinor. But the thing I love most about Edward was that he did one of the hardest ways of dying to self. He was willing to put his desires on the line so as not to hurt Lucy by breaking the engagement and producing disgrace. Only when Lucy herself broke off the engagement, and transferred her affections to Edward’s brother, Robert, did Edward pursue his heart’s longing.
Yet no matter where you look for examples of honor and commitment, there is one that pales them all. It is found in the Bible. “Your attitude should be the same that Christ Jesus had. Though he was God, he did not demand and cling to His rights as God. He made himself nothing; he took the humble position of a slave and appeared in human form. And in human form he obediently humbled himself even further by dying a criminal’s death on a cross. Because of this, God raised Him up to the heights of Heaven and gave Him a name that is above every other name.” (Philippians 2:5-9) Christ did the ultimate dying of self there is—he died, so that we might live.
But how can this all apply to us? I mean, we are not called to show commitment by dying. And the majority of us aren’t in courtships/ dating/ whatever. So, how can we do our share? It might not seem like much, but I believe that we can do amazing things by just playing our part. Christians are to be countercultural; one good way is to be a generation that respects commitments and fulfills them with honor.
The world might laugh; we might come across as weak. But these traits described above aren’t just for sissies. In fact, it takes a lot of courage and effort. But “declare me innocent, O Lord, for I have acted with integrity…” (Psalms 26:1) Walking in such a way can only bring about blessing.
So in whatever you are doing today, do it with honor and commitment. Fulfill your obligations…even when your flesh screams to do otherwise. In this way, you will present a model of Mr. Edward Ferrars’ character to those with whom you come in contact.
~Ella
