“I was about 14 when I found I was pregnant. The scariest part was telling my mom. I was growing up in one of those families that if you ever get pregnant, you pack your bags and go. I knew I was pregnant because I hadn’t had a period. I waited until 3 a.m. I packed my clothes, cleaned out my dresser drawers, and put my bags by the front door. I woke my mom and said, ‘I’m pregnant.’
She was sleeping, and she sat up and said ‘What?’ And I jumped off the bed.
What are you going to do?’ she asked.
I started crying and said, ‘I don’t know.’
I told her I thought my only option was abortion. I made an appointment and she was to go with me, but that morning she told me she really didn’t want me to do that. She said there were other options.” –Tatum (Lindsay)
Indeed, there are “other options.” Let us consider the options: keeping the baby or putting it up for adoption. Adoption, seemingly, is not a common choice; however, it is more common than keeping the baby. As a whole, adoption is the wisest choice when it comes to teen pregnancies because it ensures a good family, love, flexibility, and a guilt-free mother.
According to Jeanne Warren Lindsay, author and a coordinator of the Teen Parent Program at Tracy High School in Los Cerritos, California, “A couple of generations ago, many pregnant teens relinquished (gave up, released, surrendered) their babies for adoption. An unmarried adolescent who became pregnant was often hustled off to Aunt Agatha’s home in Missouri where she lived until her baby was born. Usually the young mother didn’t see her baby at all. It was placed for adoption with a family she would never meet, and the entire event was wrapped in secrecy. Her friends were told she was vacationing with Aunt Agatha, and she was urged to forget the whole episode and return to “normal” life as a teen.” (Lindsay) Today, however, the picture is far different. The number of mothers who put their baby up for adoption is, “less than four percent of the half-million who give birth each year in the United States.”(Lindsay) Why is this the case? To be frank, it is because the average teenager is not developed enough to look ahead eighteen years to decide what is best. According to the the National Review, “Teenagers generally ask not what they can do for others, but what others are thinking about them. Is it any surprise that adoption is generally ignored?” (Olavsky) They can only see their present situation, and in their torn, messed up state they look to the easiest, fastest way out.
A very clever saying declares, “Only half of all people that go into abortion clinics come out alive.” Even Ronald Reagan had something to say about it when he declared, “Abortion is advocated only by persons who have themselves been born.” Abortion took the lives of about 1.5 million babies in 2005, according to National Right to Life News. (“Fruits of Pro-Life Work”) Although it is the easiest, fastest way out, abortion is not without many longterm consequences; many of which are quite devastating to the mother. Monnica Terwilliger who has worked for many years at a counseling center for those recovering from abortion, relates,“Common post-abortion symptoms include depression, nightmares, guilt, regret, avoidance of babies, and even self-destructive behaviors. The difficulties usually get worse over time and not better. Some women are physically damaged from the abortion, and a few are even left permanently infertile. If this is your first pregnancy, aborting can double your risk of developing breast cancer; multiple abortions can increase your risk of breast cancer three-fold.” (Terwilliger) She also remembers many girls who nearly bled to death after what should have been a simple, risk-free operation. Also, consider a 1986 study done by researchers at the University of Minnesota. They concluded, “A teenage girl is 10 times more likely to attempt suicide if she has had an abortion in the last six months than is a comparable teenage girl who has not had an abortion.” (Garfinkel) This is a serious conclusion, and is definitely not something to ignore.
Well, what about keeping the baby? Babies are so cute! That is certainly an option—but only for those who can offer the baby everything it needs, such as time, attention, food, and a family to raise it properly. Think realistically. What if the mother took care of the baby herself only until the ideal time to marry the boyfriend? That is possible, but extremely volatile. Especially in this day and age, “marriage is quietly losing its place in the language and in popular culture. Unmarried people now tend to speak inclusively about ‘relationships’ and ‘intimate partners.’ In the entertainment industry—including films, television, and music—marriage is often neglected or discredited.” (Popenoe 273) Even engaged young couples may break up after they find out the presence of a baby. I remember one of my friends Jane (name changed) who got engaged in eleventh grade, but during the summer they had sex. When she found out she was pregnant, she was thoroughly disgusted with her fiancé, and promptly dumped him. I think marriage would be an acceptable choice, but only if both members of the couple approve of it, and that is mainly the big problem—many couples are not willing to take marriage seriously. Stephanie Coontz, a History and Family Studies teacher at Evergreen State College in Olympia, relates: “The purpose of marriage was to get people to discharge the duties of civil society, to govern their families with prudence and to educate their children with discretion.” (Coontz 261) If the couple is not willing to make this commitment, then would it not be infinitely better to let another couple who are eager and willing to make the commitment adopt the child?
Adoption is a wonderful choice. From the four principles in the National Consortium model, “Adoption is mutually beneficial to parent, child, and society.” (Atkinson 87) The arrangement is extremely well thought-out and organized. For one thing, the family is always thoroughly interviewed by the adoption agency to make sure they know how and are fully able to raise a family. The family must also pay a serious amount of money, which gives a good indication that they have thought through the procedure. The Family Law Quarterly states, “More than 120,000 children are adopted annually in the United States.” (Family Law Quarterly 365) Adoption is, in other words, a popular choice that many couples have made. Even though it takes a huge amount of effort to adopt, many good families are more than willing to do whatever they can for the children. The lives of theses adopted children are precious, and therefore the adoption agency checks up on each family after the adoption every year for the first five years to make sure the child is healthy, happy, and bonding well.
Tatum, the young pregnant teenager in the previous story relates her experience of when she went to a maternity home, “They had this program where you could meet people who had adopted. They brought their children to a picnic, and I said I’d babysit. There was a little girl who was three, another seven or eight, and another who was ten, and all three were adopted. They knew much more about adoption than I did. The youngest little girl asked me, ‘Are you going to have your baby adopted?’ I answered, ‘What do you know about adoption?’ She said, ‘I’m adopted and I have two sets of parents. My mommy says I’m more loved because I have four parents.’ Then she said, ‘Your baby would be so loved’–this from a three-year-old! I also got to meet my counselor’s two adopted children, a daughter two years older than me, and a son four years older. I told her they were so like her and she said, ‘You know they are adopted?’ And I was thunderstruck because they seemed so happy. I started thinking more and more about adoption.” (Lindsay)
Before the pregnant mother decides anything, she must think carefully. The long-run consequences matter just as much as the present condition. What about when the baby is a teenager his or herself? What would be best for him or her? Does the mother have exactly the right conditions for raising a child, or should she let someone else take over who has dreamed of having a baby for years and years? According to the Child & Adolescents Social Work Journal, “The majority of adopted children function quite well as adolescents.” (Benson) The joy of having a child is utterly heavenly. Picture his or her smiling face, his or her laugh, him or her holding mother’s hand and exclaiming, “Mommy, I love you!” Imagine the child becoming a very important person when they grow up; someone to be encouraged and be proud of. Adoption does not have to mean the mother will never see her child ever again. On the contrary, there are many options now to fit almost everyone with their specific situation. For instance, open adoption is “an arrangement by which children legally go to live with people who are not their natural parents, but still continue to communicate with their natural parents.” (“Open Adoption”) It is quite interesting how widely things have changed from when everything was kept top-secret about adoption. The remarkable effort and work put into the arrangement is amazing; much of the work is done by underpaid people who care tremendously about the children and their families.
Adoption is most assuredly the best choice for most pregnant teens. However, the adoption route is not a common decision because many teens are not developed enough to be able to look into the future to decide what is best. All they can think of is, “How do I get out of this horrible mess I’m in as quick and as easy as possible?” Adoption is certainly life changing; few things could be more so. It can be a huge blessing, something wonderful coming from what seems evil and alarming. This procedure is comparable to the children’s story, “The Ugly Duckling.” Despite what started out to be a dreadful looking creature despised by everybody, the “duckling” later turned out to be a beautiful swan that was greatly admired by all. Abortion, though it is extremely common, should be avoided at all costs for the sake of the baby and of the mother. Take time to decide on the right choice, not the quick and easy choice. Consider adoption.
